Getting Even

I'm here for a reason.  I said to reassure myself, I loaded my Taser gun and  hid it on my side. Between my belt and my back where no one would see it and ruin my plans. I walked towards Rebecca's house where I knew David would be at, he is always down for a party. It was her eighteenth birthday party and any one and everyone was invited. To be totally honest I don't even know Rebecca but  a friend of a friend told me about it and I was bound to know somebody there.  But my main goal was to see David and teach him a lesson. A lesson on heart break and humiliation. I walked in and immediately saw Angie. One of my girlies that I didn't know would be here. She may put my whole mission at jeopardy. "Hey boo hows it going?" she called out to me and embraced me.

"Nothing good, I didn't know you were gonna be here."I replied trying not to blow her off.

"I guess you didn't know that someone else was gonna be here." with that she pointed to the middle room where David was sitting in a circle of friends all chatting and drinking. "Its okay I'm here to enjoy myself." I said to her as I walked away to grab a drink. I wasn't really lying when I said that I was going to enjoy this. 

 David was a friend that I met 8 months ago.  He went to a school nearby and he was someone I wouldn't have mind getting to know. I believe he was Colombian, thick and sexy. perfect for snuggling with. The sad thing was that he was straight. He accepted me as a gay friend which was new to him because he never had one before and  he was new to me because I never had a straight guy friend. Yes I found him totally attractive but he was straight so I didn't try anything. Yes he would do things that made me think otherwise like  dress to good for himself, wear nice underwear, over show off his toughness to make me believe he was the man and loved Nicki Minaj. One day he got real drunk and I let him sleep over, I couldn't let him drive home drunk. I couldn't sleep so he let me play with his hair, his nice brown wavy hair. Out of  nowhere he  kissed me.  Yup you heard right  a straight nigga kissed me. That was the beginning of it. From then on he would come over every week to spend the night to chill laugh and fuck. I was really feeling this nigga until one day he just stop coming. He gave me short replies and  the cold shoulder. Then I didn't hear from him for a month This is how I retaliate when I don't get my way, I plan on tazing bitches.

Thinking about this really pissed me off. And if someone walking by looked at me they could have told I was pissed because as I picked up a red solo cup it cracked in my closed fist.  oops.

I picked up a new cup calmly and looked at the assortment of drinks. They had Ciroc Coconut, Barcadie Zombie and they also had Whipped Cream Vodka. Davids and I favorite drink, I poured some of the Coconut  Rum and sipped it while I looked at my surroundings. The house was huge. If I had to assume I would say whoever this Rebecca was she had money. The living room had music that was loud and filled with drunk teen girls giving all the male suitors lap dances on the walls,couch and stairs.  This was a little to much for me so I progressed into the next room. The dining room where I had got my drink. The table filled with empty snack bowls and I didn't really look but I swore I saw a foot of a passed out man under the table. This was indeed to much for me, I sipped my drink.

"Jose?"

 My heart did a one eighty kick and i turned slowly to see David staring at me with that puzzled look i knew to well. Remember why your here Jose.  I held back the tears enough to say ," Oh hey its you."  

"yeah, its me, listen----"

 " No I don't want to hear it. Not here at least." I felt the tazer behind my back. Not yet. 

" Do you want to go upstairs Because I need to talk to you?"

"Upstairs sure."  A nice quite big room that would  be perfect for me to teach him a lesson.

I walked up the steps with him and amazement struck me the upstairs was just as big as the first floor. The hallway looked endless, maybe about 14 rooms. We chose the last room  on the far left. He opened the wooden door and that's when I pulled the tazer out and shocked him right on his neck.  He cried and collapsed on the floor.  I closed the door behind me and  lifted him up on the bed. I forgot how heavey this nigga was. Like dam.  he woke up feeling his neck "What the fuck happened?"

He looked at my hand holding the tazer."Did you just tazer me, you crazy ass fag?"

 "looks whose talking, closet case."

  "I'm not--." As soon as he said this I went after his neck with the tazer. I didn't get his neck but I nicked his arm which was enough for him to feel the sting of his lies.

" Look, I would love to say I'm not enjoying this but I really am. After how you played me, you deserve this. all I want to know is why?"

"Why what, why your a crazy bitch and I don't know why  I Fucked with you."

"Exactly why did you fuck me and with out any word why did you just ditched?"

"......if I tell you... promise you not gonna tazer me?"

"I'll see how I feel."

"It was because I needed time. I wasn't sure what that was or how I felt. You know I even tried dating a girl right afterwards."

"So you left me for a bitch!" I tackled him and pinned his arms under my knee I lifted his shirt and tazed him on his flesh hard stomach  I couldn't help but admire his body, so beautiful and toned. with the American Eagle undies that I had loved so much. I slapped him awake.

"CAN YOU STOP!!! Have you ever tried talking like a normal human? I was trying to say that it didn't feel the same, that you were different and its been hard for me to fully understand what I am.

"Question, did you fuck her?" I kinda didn't want the answer.

"...Yes....I did... but that's when I realized who I am and what I want. I couldn't finish, she disgusted me."

rage grew inside of me. how dare he give someone else whats mine. he was mined if he knew it or not.

"your gonna learn your lesson by me." with one hand i unbuckled his belt and reached for his nut sack. the tazer came close to his flesh but Davids hand had stopped it. there we were struggling. with all my strength and anger i was getting closer and he was weakening. my goal was in sight and i get what I want. before the tazers could touch him he shouted out." I love you!" 

 The tazer dropped from my hand onto the bed and my muscles relaxed. My head sulking low was out of Davids  view, which was a good thing because I didn't want him to see me cry. He touched my chin and forced me to look up." look I was an asshole by just leaving you hanging and i want to apologize that's why I had you come up here, if I knew you were going to electrocute me i would had wore a rubber." I managed to laugh through my tears. I wanted to tell you I loved you for the longest  just didn't know how to tell you and when.  I don't care anymore, all I care about is having your crazy ass with me through out all this. so if this is gay then its gay love. fuck it."

I kissed him, long and passion filled but enough to get the point across."i love you to."  with that he rolled me over that way he could be on top. he kissed me even more passionaltly and without me knowing unbuckled my pants. He was always a sly mother fucker. He made his way down kissing my body and started to give me head. It was all good and well until the door burst open with a guy and a girl came through laughing. There laughter came to a stop when they saw  two gay boys getting it on in the room. " Oh sorry.. bout this....... Hey David, I'll... um leave you two alone." and he closed the door after his girl. Stunned by what just happened David and I through back our heads and had a hard laugh bout it. I'm pretty sure the laughter could have been heard from down stairs. I'm  totally sure our love was hear from downstairs because on our way downstairs everyone clapped in unison.  all applauding me and David for getting it in.

Dreamstage

 After a tiring long day I just really wanted to go to sleep.  School was long and filled with the blah blah blahs of teachers and work was  filled with the blah blahs of customers. I just really wanted some sleep. Making my way up the steps of my house my bedroom door seemed like a haven. The angels sang as I opened my door and I collaspe on the bed with my shoes still on. I fell into a deep sleep. You know how you fall into a deep sleep and dont remeber your dreams becuase your that tired you just sleep to refuel for the next day. Well this sleep wasn't like that. I dreampt, in vivid detail and remebered everything. In the dream I woke up from my bed and opened the door to my usual hallway. Instead of my usual hallway there was another hall filled with doors. Knowing it was still a dream I walked down and chose one door. This door for some reason drew me in with its chipped white paint and glass knob.

 The hall seemed to disapear behind me, I was outside waiting in line. Looking up I saw that it was  a club, club  Aphrodites.  it was then that I noticed that I was wearing my work clothes, yuck I can't go clubbing dressed like this. "wish I had some dance clothes." In the next moment  I was wearing a deep v neck black shirt and some skinnies. How was it possible that in an instant i had major swag but yet i was still waiting in this line.

Driving up   to the club was a  red mustang that everyone in the dream stopped and stared at, including me. Out came this gorgues man. His swag was right, wearing red skinnies with a  white shirt and a  black leather jacket. It was amazing. At the sight of  him I yelled out Roman. He seemed to notice me becuase he took his shades off and he looked at me. Roman was  one of main dudes in school. He didnt say much nor did he smile often but people liked him. He was one of the star players on our team and had most of the girls fighting for his attention. Of course he never talked to me, because straight men don't talk to gay men in high school. its against the status quo but right now and right here he noticed me.

"Whats good jose? And why are you in my dream?"
"This is your dream? Thought it was mines and I didn't know you were the clubbing type?"
"Shows how much you know bout me," He smiled a crooked smile, "come on!"
 He grabbed my arm and led me pass the long line of people into the building.The inside was alright but not what I imagined. With a snap of my fingers the room divided. Woman with sexy clothing and movie star bodies  were waitressing one side and on the other side men with high tops sneakers and bright colorful briefs roamed around. I looked over at roman to see if he disagreed but he was to busy being amazed at the power of dreams. I bid him a farewell for now and we went our separate ways.   While I'm dancing in the crowd, I notice him dancing with a girl.  I  feel a sense of jealousy, that slut! okay maybe I don't hide my emotions that well. this guy was hot and I wanted him to notice me for years. Now was my chance.

I walked over to them. "hey you having fun?" he replied back with a smile and told me to get in. we sandwiched the girl leaving her in the middle. Lights flashing by and I could tell he was having so much fun. I was having fun to but I would be having more fun if this girl wasn't here.
 Just like that she disappeared leaving me and roman crashing into each other. For a moment I felt his warmth of his bulge and continued with the flow. I snapped myself back into reality and pushed off him because last thing I wanted to do was make him feel akward.  "I'm sorry, I don't know what happen?"
 "Its okay I do." He just smiled. He did a lot of smiley tonight.

My alarm brang me back to the blahs of real life,  6:30 it rang. I did the usual blah blah blahs and headed to school.  I got off the bus and signed in. On my way to my locker I saw him.  My dream came back to me and i remebered his body being so close to mine. for some reason i felt ashamed and akward. But why, not like he knew what I dreampt about, he didnt know that i really wanted to be with him.... Oh great here he comes.

"Hey Jose."
" ummm sup....hey.. I mean hows it going?"
" Good...you wanna hear something odd, I had a dream and you were in it."
"really!" I couldnt pretend like i didnt know, "were we clubbing?"
"yeah, at club.. i think it was Club Aphrodites and  the floor was divided...it was pretty crazy."
"Is it weird that I remember the same dream." We locked eyes and I almost got lost in his green hazel pools. "But how is that possible?"
"probably just a coincident. haha but look I'm late for class I'll catch you tonight hopefully." he said playfully and rushed away. As he walked away my heart felt like it was gonna jump out my chest and start doing back flips. Was this a date.... Wait he's straight,  I cant overthink things. If i wanna be friends with a straight guy I can't be so.... gay. All day I anticipated  unttil it was time. Math went slow and boring and so did art... my favorite class.

Finally it was 10:30 and I decided just to close my eyes. Turns out it was sleep because I ended up in that same hallway. But instead of opening a door I seen roman openingg a door and turning to me to follow. I yelled after him and walked trhought the door.  We were at the beach. I looked down and I was already in shorts and sandals.
"Thought I'd give you the jump." Roman said to me. I looked at him and he was unbeleiviablyy beautiful.  Adidas sandals with plain black swim trunks and a white beater. His black hair looked brown in the puerto rico sunlight and his skin has never been smother.
"Thanks...but I need a shirt." I made a white beater appear on my body.
"why arent you worried about tan lines or something?"
"this is a dream... i don't think tan lines are important."
 "hahah your right.. but fuck it." he takes off his shirt. Rather than looking and drooling over his body like I really wanted to, I focus on something else. But of course the dream just acted on my emotions and made the sun set leaving the sky with auros of red and purple.
"No stop that its to early to set." he looked at me.
"what makes you think I'm doing that?"
"I learned yesterday that your emotions control your ...my ..our dreams."
"yesterday?"
 "the girl disappearing, I had a feeling you weren't very fond of her."
I was cuaght and i looked down in shame."Its okay, your a cool ass homo..or gay , or whatever you want to call it, sorry if im insensitive."
"Its cool," I chuckled at his attempt of being nice."Im thirsty." i said and Roman trying to be creative snapped his finger and  a man appeared in front of me with a tray. He was wearing tropical blue briefs. He was beautiful but i could have picked someone else to fetch me drinks. Suddenly Roman was standing in front of me with  the blue briefs. And let me tell you, that was pure beauty. His athletic legs scattered with fur led up to his bulge that i felt not so long ago.  He stood up checked himself out and laughed for a whole five minutes. I was to busy  concealing my boner to actually laugh with him. "I said Im thirsy!" I demanded playfully. He stopped laughing and with a smile he said,"Thirsy for this dick." I looked at him in shock and he just gave me  the smart ass smile that i secretly loved so much. I got up and tackled him to the floor. But i think he got scared and imagined a  hill. so down we rolled until we came to a stop. His muscles over powered mine and he was ontop pinning me down. Out of breath i couldnt help but enjoy this. Roman, starplayer who was straight was now on top of me.
"jose?" he said in the softess voice i ever heard him say.
"yeah what is it?"
"your got something in your pocket or is that ..um ur dick."
I was brought back to reality and noticed my throbbing member  pressed against Romans ass.
"its okay..its just a dream,right?
"right." i said.
 we smashed into eachother and our lips connected. My body felt empowered kissing him. His lips had power behind them and he was sharing it with me. His tongue shared stories and it was sharing it with me.  He remenuevered me that his bulge was on my ass. and he knew what he was doing. we stayed kissing until i couldnt have anymore and i over powered him. Making him fall on his back on the sand. Kissing his neck i made  my way down  his washboard ab chest.  there was no pulling back our dream had intertwined, buckled and made love.

6:30, i woke up with a smile.Getting ready for school was never better. I soon looked forward to seeing him and wondering what he'd say now. I opened the front door and walked on out.

Beauty and the Beast

The human mind is an amazing thing filled with doors, all different shapes and sizes leading to  the inner truth of yourself. One by one they open, reappear and let things out. At the age of seven  I opened a door, just for a second, then shut it quick and never looked back. Seven years later I peaked into that door once again and this time I wasn't as fortunate. While my body was in reality my mind was in motion. When I open the door a bright light shot out so strong I couldn't shut it. I stood there struggling while colors of blue, red, green, yellow and purple escaped and surrounded my thoughts. A beast bombarded the door  open and escaped through the maze I call my mind.

At that moment I thought I was cursed. I walked around the hallways of my school depressed and sad, as if this big dark cloud hovered over me  damped not only my clothes but my spirits. I wished I never opened the door, i didnt understand this and I didn't understand my self. I was angry and scared and my  mind took the frustration out on my body.  That evil beast inside my mind wanted to be let free, but my body and mind wouldn't let it. I wouldn't let it. What would people think when they take one look at him, if it even was a him. Since I wasn't letting him out voluntarily, the beast tried in other ways to escape.
 Just gotten home from School  on a boring thursday night, mom ordered me to clean up the basement. While moving boxes  a snow globe fell. For some reason the shattered glass called to me....yes I used to be a cutter. Nothing big and it didnt even last that long but for some reason I wanted to do it. Maybe I thought that the beast would escape my body if I let it out like this, maybe it was a cry for help or perhaps I was at my absolute low. But one thing was for certain the beast was not escaping this way. The next day walking the lonely halls of my high school a girl walking past that I barely ever talked to stopped and asked me if im okay. She moved in closer and said that lately I been looking down. I never gave her a honest answer but she made me realize that there was something wrong inside of me and the beast was letting everyone know. He was winning.

I knew all along what was wrong I just didn't want to admit it becuase then it would of felt like the beast was winning, which he was. But I finally had enough, this wasn't a game I  was tired of being at war with myself. It was literally going to kill me. I said to myself walking home that day," im gay!"  people walking by probably thought I was crazy , arguing with myself but I needed to clarify with myself  what was happening to me and what can I do. "or am I bi? I dont need to categorize myself. I am who I am and I like who I like." Saying that was the biggest moment of my life. The moment I accepted myself and decided not to give a hell about what people will say or think. This was me and I'm not going to stop living my life.Me and the beast came to a peace treaty.

Now that I accepted the beast  its time  that I let it out just a bit. In school the following week my spirits were higher than usual. the beast was eager to let loose on the world. The beast had seek out my closest  friends. On the top of that list was Anna. A japanese-German american girl with a case of the smileys at the age of 15. She was actually my sister in law at one point. I dated her sister for a month her sister hated  me for the break up but I knew  Anna would love me know matter what. I told her and she welcomed me with open arms. The beast was ecstatic shaking his scaly tail.

Next on the list was Angelica, I call her Jelly. Next period after I told Anna I was confident everyone who loved me would approve. So when jelly wasn't looking I wrote on her computer "Im Bi-bsexual." she looked over, deleted it and called me stupid with a slight chuckle. I didn't think she understood what I was trying to say. I whispered it in her ear and  when she finally understood she said, "ohh...hunny.....you like dick?" The inner beast didn't like that, it caught him off guard but he realized it would take time for everyone to understand fully. So he said, "yes occasionally!" with a slight grin. She would have to get use to it. One person had changed into two then three then four..soon the whole school was talking. I didn't mind as long as my friends still loved me.

Just like every teenager with a hidden agenda I wanted to keep my family out of my business. I actually believe they would never find out, That I was so slick they would never question me. Oh how was I so wrong?

After mom overheard a conversation with the Beast and a fellow monster , she knew everything. When I finally gave into the colorful beast and ran free, she wanted to lock him up and forget he was ever there in the first place. The beast didn't like that. Soph-hop, a dance for sophomores in the middle of winter, I wore my little cute suit and slicked back my hair.  As I left out the door he heard what she said. A comment that angered him and sent me on edge: "Don't kiss any boys while your out there" The beast awakened,  Nails sharp, eyes and ears alert he ran to her door and shouted," I'll kiss who ever the fuck I want to." He slammed the door and went on my merry way. Just like in School  the word spread through out my  family, sparking all different reactions. Some Titis of mine hugged me and said they love me, an uncle sat me and the beast down to read "Sodom and Gomorrah" and tell us we are condemning ourselves to hell, some members had already seen the beast way before I did, some still  don't know at all, But to be honest they never asked.
But one things for certain The beast is a part of me  and I wont ever not be myself.
So here I am 4 years later, writing down the milestones in my journey to find who I am. I am Jose Torres and I am a hispanic gay young adult  artist who loves his friends and family but doesn't give a H-E double hockey stick of what people think because in the end its me whose living my life to the fullest. The beast and I finally have this understanding. We maintain this balance and became one. I am the beast of the story and I will have my happily ever after with or without my prince.

My ModernLlife Hamlet

I COULDN'T DO IT! As much as i hate, no matter how close my finger was from the trigger..I couldn't do it. If I shot and killed him in cold blood She will never forgive me. It would break her heart to see her boyfriend dead and me getting booked for it. I lowered the gun and suddenly the noise of the sirens came shooting in. Lights glared on and off making  everything look red then blue, red then blue and red and blue/ I dropped the gun to the floor and took a look at his face. His disgusting pale face made me sick but yet I couldn't  finish the job because her face kept popping into my brain. He was afraid and he did not try to hide it. He came to the realization of what the baby brother of his fiance could do if he even dared to mess up. I got gripped up and was getting pulled away, the whole time my eyes would not let go of the coward. Staring at him  through him, condemning him  I was put into the cop car, laughing the whole way down to the station.

Father Time

Father time, you toy with us.
 Just because we are smaller and weaker than your godliness doesn't give you the right.
you slow time down when we want it to speed up. you speed it up when we prefer to live in this moment forever.
You steal time from those who deserve it and give it to the ones who don't.
They steal, kill, lie ...and.... yet you reward them.
But what about that young kid who died on that river that hot summer day.
You fiene, you call yourself a father, are we suppose to look up to you, worship at your feet
 your no father!

And neither am I.....not anymore.
 My son was pushed in the river and had drown within seconds.
 His time and future was taken  and the one to blame for his death is walking free, with all the time in the world.
What evil is this!!??!! If your so godly and powerful turn back time and give me my son back.........
YOU HEAR ME!....
(SILENCE.)

If i could smoke a cigarette with anyone......

 I take the cigarette from her nicely manicured hands and  start looking for a lighter. Lady gaga pulls out her lighter and says,"here kid smoke up." She then gives a smile,  We sit down on her  red velvet love seats in her grand library.  In her seat she looks mysterious  and her outfit just adds to that. She's wearing unbelievable red shoes with printed  pages  and words across the sides., remarkably it matches her black hat that is t big for words. He hair is  long and black and  shimmers a blue tint.
She lights her cigarette while i look upon everything in awe, the  ceiling which is painted with her in fur raising her hand to the sky, her thousands of books with the most peculiar names. The books range from spirituality to cooking to music history to  fashion.
"the answer is yes." She interrupted me. Before i can ask what she meant she said," your looking at the books, your wondering if i read them all...the answer is yes, some i read more than once."
I crack a smile and mutter one word...." cool."
She then breaks the silence by  asking me about my life and my dreams in life.
 I briefly skim the topic of my adoption, my parents, school and work. It just seems so dull to bring up in  moment like this. But I tell her my dreams.
"Well I like to be behind the stage...you know where the magic is, Stage crew. I hope to someday  help out  in broadway or a very important show."

"You have experience?"
"yeah i had four years of it, in high school, i know nothing major but its something. Plus i love the spirit the stage gives off and the chaos that goes on behind the scenes."
"i can relate." She flicks her cigarette in the  crystal ashtray  in the shape of a kiss.
Next thing you know it Im talking about my art work. I say I don't consider myself a painter but I paint...fairly good. I flick my cigarette in her same ashtray. This is so cool!

"What do you like to express in you art work?"

By now Im so comfortable around her I don't hold back. I  inhale my cigarette and breathe out on words.
"Life...I like to express lifes obstacles, being able to show one self and being true to love. Thats why I'm  such a big fan. You let others out ther know its okay to be who you are. And being weird or different isn't always bad.  I respect you  for being the one to finally stand out. Like you, I refuse to be another brick in the wall. We have a voice and it needs to be heard." After I say this I semi freak out. I couldn't believe I just used "we"   referring to me and Gaga in the same sentence.

"wow.." She really takes it all in and consider things around in her head. "Thank you for being so motivated. Its funny how you bring up stage crew becuase my manager took her leave and we are open one spot..." She pokes her lips out to me and I smile."Would you be interested in something like that.... and do you think you could handle it?"

"yes! I would love that." I almost didn't get the words out but I manage to squeeze them out.
"The tours in two months, theres alot to do we should get started. She inhales. " Of course you will get paid." at the snap of her fingers  three butlers came in with a brief case. They opened it at the same time and i swear  at the sight of the money my heart drop kicked itself and julted alive twice. I yelled yes and she giggled at my enthusiasm .
 "So..."she put out her ciggerette  and stood up."  you mentioned you can paint...I'm working on this peice and I need help. I cant seem to get the angle right....or shading. Would you so kinldy mind?"
I take one final drag of my cig and I put it out and jaulted up,"take me to the artwork."

Text Messages of a Closet Case

-Hey, wcd?

-Me too.... ENTERTAIN ME!

-boooo! lets play the random pic game:)

-nice room.

-you might as well get naked hahah
-XD

-nice;)

- I cant do this... its not who i am sorry
-Im not gay...

HOUR LATER
-Hey wcd doing....

We

 In our vamp mobile we ride. Blasting our noise across the city,we ride. Feeling the wind pass our ears, laughter escaping our lungs and traveling through or fangs.  I screech, then they screech. This is our cry, sirens of the car, that’s what we are. We ride. We Sings with our souls and people cant help but stare. They looked disgusted but  really they envy us. They desire to be this free, to feel this strong.  They hate what they don’t understand but they love the ungainable.  I can read there minds so I know this for a fact. The want to be where I am.  We ride. Josh Changes the tunes and we go into a spazzem. We know this song, we ride.  The rhythm  sways the car and makes us want to move.  Ahead we see our feeding place, Checkers.  We pull around to the drive through and make our orders.  In seconds our food is  here.  We let out our final screech and dig our fangs into our meal. We do not ride,instead we feed. We are filled  and feel even better than how we were earlier.Then we ride screeching and blasting our noise.

Comatosed

I awake with a yawn with my eyes still closed. I roll out of my bed and go to turn the light on.  Not finding the switch or walls I open my eyes and everything is dark. I start to think I have gone blind. I look down and see my Light skinned feet with my hairy man legs, wearing basketball shorts that I never wear out attached to my torso. I’m not blind if I can see myself but why can’t I see anything else? I hear something faint… its getting louder…”hello? Whose there?” I strain to hear the sound and it sounds like my mother… but she’s sad, why is she sad? Through choked sobs I hear her say I love you then she fades away, everything is quiet and I decide to walk around this space to see if theirs a way out… how did I end up here?  The sound comes back, but this times its some one different. It’s impossible to walk closer to the sound because it’s as if the sound comes from the sky.  Is this a room? Or am I staring at the black sky that meets with the black floor forever and ever. This place is endless but I focus on the voice.  Again its sad and I know at once that it is my dearest friend Anna. “It wasn’t suppose to happen like this, we were suppose to move in together… you were suppose to be Tio…..” it fades off and she is gone. I run after her yelling ”Anna, come back, I’m still here. Wait, I’m here.”

I fall to my knees out of breath. Why did she say it wasn’t suppose to happen like that? What did she mean I was SUPPOSE to be Tio? Why can’t I still be tio…? Am I dead?” A third voice appears and I automatically know who it is, Angelica.  She doesn’t speak but just sobs. She soon pulls it together, “Really Jose it had to be you. I love you don’t forget that. Here take this.” She disappears just like everyone else.  I had open my hand and seen a picture of us,  Angelica and myself. I don’t know how it was possible but where ever she was had connected with me for a bit. I stare at the picture and cry. I’m dead.  and some how I’m stuck here in this …. hell. I wouldn’t say its hell but more of a limbo, a dark nothingness. As soon as I am aware of this a light is shown shining ahead. I look up and the light comes towards me.  I  try to get up but I can’t. A seat belt that appeared on my body has stopped me. I’m in the back seat of a car. “How did I get here?” I unfasten my belt and move forward to see whose in control of this car.  I look over and see Anna driving, she’s so happy. Not at all like I heard her a few minutes ago. Seeing her makes a change in me, its good to see her face. I smile and start to speak but am cut off by the directions of her eyes. She looks at me but she isn’t looking at me…she’s looking through me. I turn over to see whose behind me, sitting in the passenger seat. Its me! . I jump back to my seat, unaware and confused about this whole mess. Why am I here and there….?  And why cant they see me? I listen to there/our  conversation and its funny and carefree. They have no idea that I’m eavesdropping.

I cant help to think that this all seems familiar ….  A sense of déjà-vu. I look out the window and see a pizza shop, New City Pizza. I remember the time not to long ago when  we passed that shop and a cat had ran out in front of the car.  In fact this is the farthest I can  think back. Just at that moment The car jerked to a stop. Since I am invisible or non existing in this reality you figured that hitting my head on the car seats didn’t hurt but it does.  “Oh my god, did you see that cat.” Anna screams.  My other self laughs and calls her stupid,” Stop being stupid and drive.”  The scene flashes and I’m now standing outside New City Pizza, looking at a  Black Honda  speeding down the block. I look over to the direction its going in and I see a volkswagon stopping to miss the a cat. I look in the car and see Anna and myself laughing. They have no idea that the speeding car is headed towards them. I Have to warn them. ”Stop being stupid and drive.” I hear myself say. I start running to warn them, but its to late the speeding car has crashed into them and impacted my the passenger side. The room goes black and I am left in the dark. ”I’m dead.” Astonished by what just happen I begin to cry. I look up to see a light shiny down on me.” Oh what now!?”  And I see a door. Not just a door but the door from my childhood. The door had my name in blue letters, with mickey mouse standing above them. There’s pictures I drew when I was 5 and 6 on the door. And I have a urge to walk through it. I don’t know where it leads to but I need to go through it, I have to. As i reach out to touch the knob I here a man yelling. My chest begins to have a slight pain. “no dont die on me, Clear!” Scared I walk away from the door and as i do t vanishes. Getting smaller and smaller as the darkness around me alters.

 I awake again but this time with a jerk. My chest is on fire. I look around to see the nothingness i was trapped in but i see no blackness, instead Im in a room with a light, with a mom, friends and heroes. I am seen and heard and most importantly loved.